BRING OUT YOUR DEAD (LONDON PLAGUE PIT)

Stanley Mathew's Response to this news article.  If you're offended, screw off....

 http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/15/world/europe/uk-london-skeletons/index.html?hpt=hp_c1

Bring Out Your Dead

BUILD A NEW RAIL,

Uncover the BLACK DEATH,

They found a Plague Pit,

While digging mass transit,

London’s fucking calling,

The BUBONIC IS BACK. 

An out of work professors says there’s

50000 bodies buried

in what’s now called Farrington.

London’s Burning,

But now we know to blame the rat

And spare the cat.

It’s a motherfucking PLAGUE PIT.

On Friday they found 13,

Dig a little deeper,

Let’s put in an underground mall.

Pull out the bodies…
Call Dr. Who

And Sherlock Holmes

And Starbucks,

The archeologist needs some coffee.

We need entertainment.

Dig em’ up

Dig em’ up

Carbon Date and throw them in the channel,

They’re witches if they fucking sink.

Witch CORPSES In the MOTHERFUCKING PLAGUE PIT.

Bring out the dead.

Election of the new Magus Summum Part 1

I am a little obsessed with the whole pope-picking process.  I am not religious and have never been Catholic... but it all just seems so magical.  I feel like by changing a coupe words and none of the costumes I could be reading and watching some epic high fantasy.  In that spirit and all in fun:

This Just In,

Breaking News!

 

The chimney over the Pristine Chapel is releasing a white smoke into the starry Mediterranean Sky, indicating to the world that a new head wizard has been chosen.  The Chapel is known for its expansive depiction of the Spell of Creation, painted on the Chapel’s ceiling centuries ago by painter and summoner Michelangelo.  Usually it is a gathering place for pilgrims to make offerings and receive enchantments.  For the last 48 hours it has been the world’s most powerful and mysterious polling station.  Over the last several weeks, wizards of the order of Cardinalidae have been arriving at The Veneficus City to elect to a Magus Summum to lead them after the resignation of Magus Summum Dumbledorus XII. 

As many as 10,000,000 wizards, magicians, and powerless humans have descended upon the spellbinding Veneficus City and the ancient dwarven city of Rome in which it is nested.  Each of these pilgrims comes praying to witness both history and the future with one wave of a wand and the chanting of a few choice orsi opus or words of power. 

Soon, the Vox du Cardinalidae, Veneficus Spokeperson Cardinalidae Saltator of France, will step to the Pristine balcony overlooking the throngs gathered in the Veneficus square, cast a voice amplification spell, and announce to the world who the order has chosen to guide their order and lead humanity’s defense against Magus Malficus. 

The question on everyone’s mind is whom will they choose.  Will it be Cardinalidae Periporphyris, the confidant of Summum Dumbledorus?  Maybe they will look outside of Europa and choose someone from the United Norse Territories of Leaf.  Another popular option is Cardinalidae passerine of Southern Africa.  This would be seen as a move towards reform for the wizarding world.  However, the favorite appears to be Cardinalidae Rhodothraupis of Tropicalia.  He defends one of the few parts of the world where a strong faith in magic and old ways is not just present but growing.  Remember, that the Magus Summum could be anyone who believes in magic, however the election of someone outside of the Cadinalidae is exceedingly unlikely.

It is always said that real magic takes time, but it appears the time is coming in mere minutes.

 

Yelling

Screaming doesn't do any good and getting pissed is usually pointless.

To be read to this song

Yelling

The cumulative effect of yelling loudly at rocks stubbed toes flat tires dog shit cat pee rotten fruit spilled milk traffic bad radio limited warranties broken glasses bad coffee overflowing toilets awful drivers damn kids on your lawn to-do lists moles computer virus clutter dishes laundry broken spokes assholes diarrhea pop quizzes bosses faulty internet burnt toast the man taxes republicans skipping records ruined dinner allergies smokers hoboes commercials athlete’s salaries your salary corn syrup Justin Beiber new Saturday Night Live alarm clocks Mondays Wednesdays Sunday nights people crafty people crows attractive people the filing cabinet musicians batteries bad bikers calories skinny jeans money sold out events wasted food wine by the glass mark ups sexism racism classism fraternities hipsters hippies punks bros women men old people young people Christians Atheists Jews Muslims Communists Capitalists the sun rain snow home-ownership renting hot coffee cold coffee mild salsa spilled salsa stained sweaters dirty sheets stale chips head phones that only play in one ear the third world humane society commercials red hot chili pepper songs grammar spelling the education system America Europe math oxford commas me, and you is just a fowl mood, high blood pressure, a twitchy eye, and a ruined day.