Sep 25, 2008

Economy is in the toilet

Alright, according to this website I have 8 minutes to post this until the site goes down. I don't even think it'll take that fucking long. We're in a country right now where the economy is in the toilet. I know nothing about the economy and have been trying very hard not to comment. However, the one thing I know is that billionaires get zero sympathy from me. I care about the people with loans or credit card debt from hard times or just dumb decision making who are trying to pull out and are probably not going to be bailed out by any government attempt.

It makes me sick to think that of that 700 billion the government is proposing most of it won't go to student and housing loans that got lost, it'll goo to corporate leaders who could use being taken down a peg.

That is all...

Oh yeah, and if they don't have friday in the presidential election, I may burn something.

Bullshit...

I know, very literate, but I had 8 minutes, now I have three and I have not much else left to say. I want to see one of the experts from Merryl Linch or other explain how they fucked up this bad. I don't know how and won't pretend, they're the experts and they destroyed the economy. Where does it go from here? Craigs list, farmers markets, and book stores I hope.


Peace,

Bob

Sep 18, 2008

Own Up

This is going to be quick because I have to run and catch a plane to Pittsburgh. Today's topic: admitting you're wrong. It's something I don't usually have a problem doing, but in the world of sports and celebrities (and most people) there's usual no fault for them and if there is there's a big but(t) involved.

Hence I am thrilled by NFL ref Ed Hochulli being a stand up person, and publically admitting a horrible officiating error without any justification and then saying that he's responding to all of his hate mail.

This is the play in question:

Most people would've said the sun was in my eye or implied that it was somehow justified by their angle or blamed the instant replay machine but he took it all on himself. Compare that to the Chargers coach Norv Turner who basically blamed the entire game on Hochulli even though it's Turner's fault the Chargers were in the position to begin with.

If I was a Chargers fan I'd be pissed but I'd also appreciate the honesty. Also I think we can all learn something from this. If you fuck up, admit it at least this guy will respect you a little more (unless you screw over Penn State or the Steelers).

Sep 5, 2008

Metal Detectors are AWESOME

I've been off for about a week now and have seen a commercial for metal detectors over and over again. I'm not quite sure who it's trying to market towards. It seems to be tailored to grandpas and soccer moms (or hockey moms like Sara Palin I'm sure). I'm going camping in a week and I caught myself thinking, "hey Bob you could use one of those, maybe you could find a bullet casing from the original settlers of the Oregon Trail or maybe pirate gold."

Of course, I don't really want one, butt my interest was peaked, so I decided to do a little research. I want to know what a metal detector really is and who wants one. First, like any good investigator I went straight to wikipidia the home of the democratization of knowledge and truth. Wiki states, "metal detectors are pick elephants" or " Metal detectors use electromagnetic induction to detect metal. Uses include de-mining (the detection of land mines), the detection of weapons such as knives and guns, especially at airports, geophysical prospecting, archaeology and treasure hunting." It's great that wiki is so in love freedom that it misspelled archeology in its description.

That knowledge there, beyond the pink elephant part really wasn't too helpful. I mean, duh, of course they can be used for getting rid of mines, but I want to get to the treasure hunting. Therefore, I went to the home of all investigation GOOGLE! and typed in and without even ordering a metal detector or getting a free catalog I stumbled on a treasure trove of knowledge: Gometaldetecting.com .

Here, they are so confident that metal detecting is going to yield the greatest of all pirate treasures that they even have a section on measuring your gold. Apparently one should use a scale. This surprised me, because usually I throw things into the air and time how long it takes them to come to the Earth, then using the force with which they were thrown (usually massive) and the gravity constant 9.8m/s^2 to determine the mass. I've been doing that for years. It's especially a pain while cooking and all I had to do was measure it on a scale. Oh boy,gold, but what if I want something more magical. The site also offers confident stories of "relic hunters" who find swords in stones with their metal detectors. I thought Excalibur was just a comic with Captain Britain and a terrible movie where Uther Pendragon gets it on in full body armor, but now, some dude in Germany found it. Here's his description straight from Gometaldetecting.com :

Armed with the gas burner and a couple of spare cartridges we returned to the find spot it was completely undisturbed and within minutes Chris had reduced the root to charcoal. A slight tug on the sword tang and the blade slid easily from the crack revealed in its full glory. Incredibly the blade was still very flexible, although heavily surface rusted it was complete and over three and half feet in length. It was a typical sixth century pagan longsword without a crossguard. Swords from this period very often only had a wood or bone and leather hilt which doesnt survive. The condition was outstanding, I`d only ever seen examples of this kind of sword that had been excavated as grave goods in museums and these examples had been virtually destroyed through burial decay.


If you find Excalibur, here's the life you can expect:



The next step is to find one and buy it. Since I hate shopping, I decided I'd go to the internet's metal detector superstore! There I found exactly what I need for camping next week so that I can learn that King Arthur actually came back after his death to America and welcomed Lewis and Clark to the Pacific Ocean. The Whites Limited Edition Metal Detector with one goal GO DEEP! I get emails all the time telling me I can learn to go deeper, but never have I seen something so official looking. According to the unbiased review: HERE'S the MAGIC: Ingeniously designed inside and out, it's surprisingly light and perfectly balanced. Hunted out? Not a chance! Go back over those previously hunted spots with a DFX or MXT 300 and get another 1" + in depth!"

I couldn't wait till it came in the mail until I realized that I had to pay now. They wouldn't let me pay them later in all the pirate gold and relics I found while camping, so I guess metal detecting will have to wait. Maybe I'll just spend my time on the beach while camping, reading, drinking, making out, and talking to good friends instead of finding my fortune buried conveniently in the completely undisturbed sand of the Oregon coastline. While I smoke a cigar and sit back with a glass of wine under the sunset, I'll bemoan what could have been: This guys with his rocking soundtrack and all!



or this guy and his little bit of saliva and obvious excitement over finding a nickel. Also, who is ok with him digging up a football field. THERE'S NOT PIRATE TREASURE THERE, you'll never be able to pay off the detector with nickels!



Peace,

Bob Fantastic

Sep 1, 2008

Super Smash Brothers and My Abhorance to Online Video Gaming

Today has been an eye opening day. I was originally going to finish and post an essay here about how sliding scale economics need to be brought back to the medical field, but that will have to wait to another day because I have much more important things to discuss here. Earth shattering things. Things that may make you laugh, may make you cry and may make you wonder when you look at the person sitting next to you on the bus.

I have never made it a secret that I am not a fan of online gaming. Meaning massively life sucking role playing games or running around and shooting eachother in "accurate" World War II simulators. This came mostly from a roommate of mine who never left the dorm room due to his addiction to Ultima Online.

I've been told that these games aren't necessarily that bad. People can play them recreationally, but I have yet to see it. There are support groups out there. If you were looking for your next fix of creating a female elf character online go find some real porn and then go listen to a record and play Nintendo with someone sitting next to you, read a book, or maybe even go to the mall and buy some soap.

Until today I hadn't played games online much. I had done a three day tour of duty on Warcraft until I realized that it was four in the morning and I had just spent the last 3 hours trying to find 12 red bandannas and 14 fish scales for Edna's farm. Today however, I played the XBox for the first time and engaged in Soul Caliber IV online. I was a douche. I played as Yoda over and over again and ended up winning some online matches against some people that had 40 hours of play under their belt.

No one had heckled me and I could quit whenever. I left feeling quite good about my time playing Soul Caliber online. My friend had almost convinced me that playing a game against an invisible fifteen year old playing as only girls in bikinis was ok, it was all in good fun.

I decided I'd go home and try one or two of my own online games out. I plugged in Super Smash Brothers and got online and started playing matches online. I was wiggling my Wii Remote and having a blast until I started playing with two people whom I will call P2 and P3. Note that one the Wii online play is anonomous and you can't pick who you play with although you can keep playing with the same people fight after fight if you want to.

P2 played only as Link and P3 played only as Zelda and mid fight they would find a corner and make their characters pretend to fuck by having them crouch alternately (one down one up) over and over again. If you tryed to interupt, the couple would team up can kick your ass.

IT'S A DAMN KIDS GAME. What the hell? It's going to take a lot to coax me to ever play an online game again, or some beer, or a really hot pixalated character. I guess the point of this is to say get a life, write a book, write a poem and then go back and play video games but pretending to fuck with Nintendo characters does not count as social or as a sex life.