More rant than poem and very unproofread. Before reading, note that I own my own bullshit on the topic of kids music and music taste. This isn't about most kids music or playing it on occasion, it's about awful and insulting kids music that teaches baby talking instead of how to enjoy a song. This could also be because I'm a bad parent and refuse to let my kid control my stereo! That's my stereo, hands off the dial!!!
Stream of Conciousness Rant.
Kids (that's not) Music
There is no bigger insult
Than academic music made for kids.
It’s terrible.
No Good, Very Bad
Shit pile bad.
Bleeding ears
Nails on chalk board bad.
Now I’m not talking
About the best of Disney,
Or an old punk rockers decision
To grow up and write songs for 7 year olds.
Not even Sesame Street
Or Woody Guthrie and Pete Seeger.
I’m talking about God Awful
Dumbed down,
Fake Americana
Horse crap.
Baby talking,
Insulting.
Songs designed for kids
By people, I’m convinced have never actually
Enjoyed a song.
Kids music is the Ramones,
The Mighty Mighty Bosstones,
Green Day, REM, Beatles, Iron Maiden …
…Public Enemy, Beastie Boys, Run DMC,
Run the Jewels and B.I.G.
Or any other number of things
You’d like to get hyped about.
Whatever can get you jumping
Up and down,
Singing into a hairbrush
And swiveling your hips
In the comfort of
Your living room at 545 am
Is probably the best songs for you kid.
…but no judgment…
if you get down and jumping,
to a condescending old man
and fake group of kids
singing about barn animals,
then get as stoked as you can,
and own it, and rock it out.
Kids feed on your rocking.
…not my crotchety hipster parent
music opinions.
1 comment:
"This I know," the old may crowed through his whiskey throat. "Yes! This I know. No kid ever gonna be the kid you were and no kid ever gonna grow up like some tree in the yard you grafted onto that old stump." He coughed, took a draw off his Old Gold and blew out like he was mad at the smoke.
"Nah. They comes out the way they comes out. You can wish and hope, bargain and bitch, but if you ain't careful, the only thing they'll disappoint is your expectation."
Then the old man whistled a little from the head of Take Five. "That was the devil's music to my Da'. Devil's music!" he finished, imitating his old man. "We'd sneak out and watch Desmond and Brubeck, saw Monk too, wand'rin 'round the stage like he was dead center in tune to God's own radi-o broadcast..."
He wandered off himself for a minute, in his mind, and landed back just in time to flick the butt end of his cigarette to the ground to be snuffed out by the heel of his shoe.
"Kid's mean as shit," he said, pointing a boney finger to God. "Mean as shit! But, funny thing about kid's this: you keep them safe, you don't ever be mean, you say 'love you' from time to time, and goddam if the don't come out alright. So you go ahead, play that ska-rock-rap-a-billy until your ears bleed. Just make sure you kiss 'em good night."
Post a Comment